Текст песни Bloodhound Gang - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stipper Is Crying

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Yakniga
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that
night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for
love. It had been a
while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I
had picked up this
hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy
Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well,
that night I lost myself
to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little
thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled
eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence
darlin', 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a
deer." Well she smiled,
had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to
tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little
kooky dance. And
then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like
Minnie Pearl.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies
come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering
Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks
gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with
almonds on
Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and
thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if
you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have
to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was
doin' me to buy baby
formula.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny
a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig
Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when
I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well,
my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not
imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the
one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say
that out loud?

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
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