Текст песни Afroman - Crazy Rap

(Wait a minute, man. Hey, check this out, tell it. It was this
blind man, right?
Man, check this out- it was this blind man, right?
He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right?
Hey. He walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'?
He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said,
Woooooo, good morning, ladies.
You like that shit, man? Hey, man, I got a gang of that shit, man.
I tell you what- my man on the guitar, fool on the drums,
everybody just crowd around the mic, I'll tell you all these
mutha-fuckin' jokes.
But first, I'ma start it off like this. Hey, help me sing it, homeboy.)
Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them
dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from
here to Hong Kong.
So roll, roll, roll my joint. Pick out the seeds and stems.
Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims.
So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville.
If my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my caddy will.

Well it was just sundown in a small white town. They call it
Eastside Palmdale.
When the Afroman walked through the white land, houses went up for sale.
Well, I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap cds when I met
a little girl named Jan.
I let her ride in my Caddy cause I didn't know her daddy was
the leader of the Klu Klux Klan.
We fucked on the bed, fucked on the flo', fucked so long, I grew
a fuckin' afro.
Then I fucked to the left, fucked to the right. She sucked my
dick 'til the shit turned white.
I thought to myself, Sheba, Sheba! Got my ass lookin' like a ZEBRA!
I pulled on my clothes and I was on my way, until her daddy pulled
up in a Chevrolet.
I ran. I jumped out the back window, but her daddy, he was waitin'
with a 2 x 4.
Oh, he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right. The mutha-fucker
whooped my ass all night.
But I ain't mad at her prejudiced dad, that's the best damn pussy
I ever had.
I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine. I'm a fuck that bitch
just one more time.

Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them
dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from
here to Hong Kong.
So roll, roll, roll my joint. Pick out the seeds and stems.
Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims.
So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville.
If my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my caddy will.

I met this lady in Hollywood. She had green hair, but damn she
looked good.
I took her to my house, cause she was fine, but she whipped out
a dick that was bigger than mine.
I met this lady from Japan, never made love with an African.
I fucked her once, I fucked her twice. I ate that pussy like
shrimp fried rice.
Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya. I met a woman in the
heart of Australia.
Had a big butt and big titties, too, so I hopped in her ass like
a kangaroo.
See, I met this lady from Hawaii. Stuck it in her ass, and she
said, Aiiiiieeee!
Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch, then her titties busted
open with Hawaiian Punch.
Met Colonel Sander's wife in the state of Kentucky. She said,
I'll fry some chicken if you just fuck me.
I came in her mouth. It was a crisis. I gave her my secret blend
of herbs and spices.

Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them
dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from
here to Hong Kong.
Hey, wait a minute man, check this out.

I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee. Her titties were filled with Hennesy.
That country music nearly drove me crazy, but I rode that ass
and said, Yes, Miss Daisy!
Met this lady in Oklahoma; put that pussy in a coma.
Met this lady in Michigan; I can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch again.
Met a real black girl in South Carolina; fucked her 'til she
turned into a white albino.
Fucked this hooker in Iowa. I fucked her on credit, so I owe her.
Fucked this girl, down in Georgia; came in her mouth. Man, I
thought I told ya.
Met this beautiful sexy ho; she just ran cross the border of Mexico.
Fine young thing, said her name's Maria. I wrapped her up just
like a Hot Tortilla.
I wanna get married, but I can't afford it. I know I'ma cry when
she gets deported.

Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them
dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from
here to Hong Kong.

Have you ever went over to a girl's house to fuck, but the pussy
just ain't no good? (SAY WHAT?)
And then you're getting' upset cause you can't get her wet, plus
you in the wrong neighborhood?
So you try to play it off and eat the pussy, but it takes her
so long to come (SAY WHAT?)
Then a dude walks in. That's her big boyfriend, and he asks you
where you from? (Where you from, man?)
So you wipe your mouth, and you try to explain (I don't bang.),
you start talkin' real fast.
But he's already mad, cause you fuckin' his wife, so he starts
beatin' on your ass.
Now your clothes all muddy, your nose all bloody, your dick was
hard but now it's soft. (WHUT?)
You thought you had a girl to rock your world, now you still
gotta go jack off.

Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
[fade out]